The Art of "Mm, Interesting": What Tasting a Stranger's Cookie Teaches Us About Judgment

When you bite into someone's proudly offered cookie and it tastes unmistakably of iodized salt, you have about two seconds to decide who you are going to be in that moment. Do you let your face do the talking, or do you dig a little deeper and find the empathy to stay present and curious? For Rob Volpe, fieldwork as an ethnographic researcher has meant tasting a lot of food in a lot of strangers' homes, and learning the hard way that judgment shows up faster than almost any other instinct we have.

The challenge is that judgment is a frenemy. We need it to make good decisions. But being judgmental, the kind that builds walls before a person has even had a chance to share their story, is what gets in the way of empathy. Food has a way of making that tension visible in real time. When someone hands you a dish they are proud of, they are also handing you a piece of their family history, their identity, and their vulnerability. How you receive it says a great deal about whether you are making a judgment or being judgmental.

This excerpt from Chapter 5 of Tell Me More About That: Solving the Empathy Crisis One Conversation at a Time follows Rob through a holiday cookie exchange in the suburbs of Minneapolis, where four women brought their favorite recipes to share. What started as a straightforward research project became a live exercise in dismantling snap reactions, staying curious, and figuring out what to actually say when "interesting" is the most honest word you have.

It is funny, relatable, and quietly instructive about one of the hardest parts of building empathy: getting out of your own way long enough to see someone else clearly.

👉 Read the full excerpt here and pick up a copy of the book at the books page.